I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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