Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize