And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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