i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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