I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wanna passion pit in your ass
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
