God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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