so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
