Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
