I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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