If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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