is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
