i already hear my dad disowning me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
