Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
