I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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