Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
