Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
