he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
