I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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