Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
