What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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