and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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