So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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