He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
