you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
