No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
