She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
