Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
