tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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