Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
