You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
