Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
