I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
