Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
