On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
