I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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