lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
