I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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