I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
