That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
