You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
