Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
