Say something about gay babies.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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