Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
