When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
