Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Floor bacon is actually really good
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
