Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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