hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
