Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
