remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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