Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
