Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
