I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
