I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
