I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
