his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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