So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
