i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
