do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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