So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
