my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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