you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
