So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
