yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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