fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
