exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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