I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
