She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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