I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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