He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
