I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize