we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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